I Did a Tough Mudder with Tear Gas (And It Was Awful)

The fitness community is abuzz this week after news broke that Tough Mudder races in 2015 will feature a new obstacle: a tent full of tear gas. As if swimming through mud and getting electrocuted wasn’t fun enough, competitors can now feel like they’re “having Sriracha poured into every one of [their] tiny cuts and abrasions”. Dafuq?!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really into fitness; I run until my joints are about to collapse, sometimes I lift weights, I once did BodyPump and I go to yoga if my friend Jessie is teaching a free class*.  I also firmly believe that nothing is worth doing if you can’t Instagram yourself doing it. Since I tend to look like death after I work out (no mud or tear gas required), I’ve had to work hard to perfect the art of the post-workout social media humblebrag. You’re more likely to see a shot of my killer legs after a run than a picture of me cheesing to the camera and smiling like I feel great after running 8 miles.

5 miles of sprints and hurdles…these legs are on fire! 🏃🔥 #thesweatlife #running #fitness

A post shared by Danny Clemens (@danny.clemens) on

I just don’t understand the appeal of expending significant amounts of time and money to train for a race where you are supposed to enjoy getting tortured. Sure, there’s free booze at the end, but aren’t there easier ways to get your buzz on?!

Just for kicks, I decided to broaden my horizons try to understand why people enjoy these races. I licked a battery, rolled in the mud and walked past a public restroom (that’s the closest I’ll go to tear gas) and then ran a mile to simulate a Tough Mudder on a smaller scale. Here’s how it ended:

mudder

Needless to say, I will never run an actual Tough Mudder.

*JK, I used to be obese and now I run half marathons, eat vegan(ish) and lift weights like a boss.

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